Squid vs the Lovely, Lovely Moments

I shouldn't complain so much. With the good moments come the bad ones and the same way around. I don't know what gave me the notion that every moment in my life should be warm and fuzzy. It's ridiculous. Maybe I feel like someone or something owes me a good time. Selfish and egotistic is what that notion is.

But those lovely, lovely moments are addicting in a way. A person sees just how surprising a lovely moment can pop up throughout the day. You could be driving down a desolate strip of asphalt, and at that very second the sun is spilling perfectly through the trees and over their leaves. It's meeting your eyes at the exact second it's affronting every other breathing and dead thing alike. You could be spending time with someone, and all within 3 seconds - the perfect music comes on, the perfect words come out of his or her mouth, and the perfect feeling warms your body like sheets straight out of the dryer on a crisp, cold morning.

It's all about the moments, and they're happening every chance they get.

[untitled]

I am

absolutely, unambiguously, unquestionably, unconditionally, on the money, on the nose, on the button, come Hell or high water, certainly, truly, surely, decisively, thoroughly, positively, utterly, really, really, really,
really,
really,
really,

perfectly

in



love.

Squid vs the Unlocking & Lift Away

I'm afraid that the only place that I'll never feel like a nuisance in will always be my home. But Cumming & Atlanta is no longer my home. I have to let it go in order to feel any kind of peace anywhere else, I think. I wish it was as easy as that one episode of Dexter when he drops the Barbie's head into the bay to let go of his brother. But it's not. It's really difficult when you've been ripped away from a place that you had no part of in the decision-making process. I definitely don't want to move back though. I'd feel like I'd be back-tracking in its ultimate form. No learning from visiting & living in new places-- Just retracing the familiar steps and wallowing in comfort of being back in the town where I pretty much started. I'd have my old friends back; I'd be able to go back to the old hangout spots; I'd feel belonged. It sounds nice, no?

It won't happen.

Squid vs Real Time

I always have the redundant epiphanies that run across my mind right before I have to go to work at Village Inn. I think of a job I'd much rather be going to. I don't want to serve sweet tea and pancakes to old ladies all day and night. I don't want to know how you'd like your eggs cooked. I don't give a damn if you want your bacon or hash browns crispy. It's the same crap over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

AND OVER!

If I didn't have to work today, I feel like I'd really work on getting some kind of different career path - whether that's looking up what kind of classes I can register for; working on my photography skills; or just looking on Craigslist at what kind of jobs are a bit in demand right now. I'm going to face the facts. I probably won't end up graduating from a 4 year university. I don't have the money, never will have the money, and I'd probably be very unmotivated. I'd be that older person in class.

I keep telling my mom about this anxiety I've been having. She amazingly always seems to relate it to her first marriage and when she & John went to Baltimore for a little while. It does nothing for me to hear her talk about this. So I end up getting frustrated and just tuning her out until she's done anyway. I gotta find some way to relieve these stresses and anxieties.

Squid vs Waking Up at 3pm

I hate it.
I miss Seth.
I have soul and emotion-crushing dreams when I sleep that long.

I'm done.