... And for the first time, I'm realizing why it might be best to hesitate and necessitate. Necessitate what means most and will matter most in the end.
It's killin' me, smalls! I always prided myself on being the one to dive in with no questions asked and no hesitation, no thought to the consequences. Am I growing up?
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Straight Through Your Gaze
I had some terrible but nice dreams these past 10 hours I slept. It included severed upper lips, the Pixies, best friends from back home, drinking, sleeping in a bed with a warm body, and being in a tall, creepy house.
Things are good. Friends are good. Music is good.
Good, good, good.
Things are good. Friends are good. Music is good.
Good, good, good.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
(!!!!)
Excitement ten-thousand fold. I usually don't write about things like this, but this is almost too much for my head to handle.
Upcoming plans include going to Cumming the weekend of February 19th to see Kristin Pouncey (childhood best friend) for her 22nd birthday. Kristin Kiser will also be there. I haven't seen those two in FOREEEEVERRRRRR. I'm also going to be able to see Pouncey's family whom I haven't seen in even longer of a time. That weekend, I hope to also see Chelsea and Luke and Sam without having Josh around.
Then! March 24 - Seth, Chris, and I are going to Atlanta so we can see Dillinger Escape Plan that night and then they're going to see Joanna Newsom on March 26th. AGGGHHH! We're probably going to stay with Luke up in Cumming for the couple of nights we'll be there.
AND LAST BUT NOOOOOTTTTT LEAST.. We're going to BONNAROO!!!! It's in Manchester, TN and it's basically a 4-day music festival packed with RVs, tents, good music, and love. The lineup of bands hasn't been released yet. It'll be shown to the world in all of its glory on February 9th, and I can't wait. I'm pretty sure Explosions in the Sky are going to play... I hope a lot of certain bands play though. I'm freaking out. Could this be the peak of my life? It seems like it could be due to my extreme, EXTREME happiness.
Time to go shower and calm down.
Upcoming plans include going to Cumming the weekend of February 19th to see Kristin Pouncey (childhood best friend) for her 22nd birthday. Kristin Kiser will also be there. I haven't seen those two in FOREEEEVERRRRRR. I'm also going to be able to see Pouncey's family whom I haven't seen in even longer of a time. That weekend, I hope to also see Chelsea and Luke and Sam without having Josh around.
Then! March 24 - Seth, Chris, and I are going to Atlanta so we can see Dillinger Escape Plan that night and then they're going to see Joanna Newsom on March 26th. AGGGHHH! We're probably going to stay with Luke up in Cumming for the couple of nights we'll be there.
AND LAST BUT NOOOOOTTTTT LEAST.. We're going to BONNAROO!!!! It's in Manchester, TN and it's basically a 4-day music festival packed with RVs, tents, good music, and love. The lineup of bands hasn't been released yet. It'll be shown to the world in all of its glory on February 9th, and I can't wait. I'm pretty sure Explosions in the Sky are going to play... I hope a lot of certain bands play though. I'm freaking out. Could this be the peak of my life? It seems like it could be due to my extreme, EXTREME happiness.
Time to go shower and calm down.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Another Dream...
Last night I had another dream that Noe cheated on me, and it really upset me. I woke up with a tear in my eye and my stomach in knots. I don't know why I keep dreaming about him cheating on me when it's been 6 months that I've been gone. Ugh... I feel like we're still connected. I feel like I'm still attached to him in another world; another dimension; another plane. I feel like my dream conscience is still with him. It's exhausting.
In the dream when I caught him cheating, he started crying and begging me to forgive him. I could tell he truly felt terrible about it. When he showed me how terrible he felt, I could tell he really loved me. It broke my heart.
Nobody will ever understand me and him. Nobody will ever understand the kind of relationship we had. It doesn't matter what I tell people, good or bad, about us... They will simply. Never. Get it. I have no doubt that I loved him, and I'm beginning to think that a significant part of me still does love him. And maybe I'll always love him and think about him until the day I die. I don't know. And if you're reading this, and you're a boyfriend or a husband from the future - I'm sorry. I'll stop here.
In the dream when I caught him cheating, he started crying and begging me to forgive him. I could tell he truly felt terrible about it. When he showed me how terrible he felt, I could tell he really loved me. It broke my heart.
Nobody will ever understand me and him. Nobody will ever understand the kind of relationship we had. It doesn't matter what I tell people, good or bad, about us... They will simply. Never. Get it. I have no doubt that I loved him, and I'm beginning to think that a significant part of me still does love him. And maybe I'll always love him and think about him until the day I die. I don't know. And if you're reading this, and you're a boyfriend or a husband from the future - I'm sorry. I'll stop here.
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