And Yet You Start to Recoil

This alwayyyyys happens. Always.

The repetition has gathered up enough to make me nauseous at this point, I do believe. I feel I have commitments to parties that I cannot seem to keep true. This whole making-myself-happy thing isn't working out because without consideration to others, I cannot remain happy. Guilt is building up; constant debate in my head and inner struggle is stressing me out; my wants are taking control of my needs. I think what has happened is I've confused my priorities. The whole concept, I've come to recently realize, with making oneself happy is doing not really what you want, but what you know you need and learning how to deal with that in the most positive mindset as possible. It's hard to kind of put down in words what I'm trying to say. We know that what we want is not always the best thing, and it's not always what will make us truly happy in the end. BUT! The things that we need... Well, it could take some time to warm up to the reality of those priorities, but we know that in the long run, it'll make us happy in the end.

It's about time that I cut it off at the throat. Just sever the whole thing I have going on because I know it'll make things better for me in the end. I know that what I'm doing now is based solely on momentary coveting, and though it may please me for so long - it'll ultimately destroy me and most likely others in its path.