Perversion

Alright, alright. Over the years, I've come to accept the fact that deep down - I'm a gross person. I talk about running to the bathroom only to "rid my body of the explosive waste that was churning inside me", and every once in a while (alright, maybe more than ONCE in a while), I imagine people doing things that would make my mother blush and exclaim, "Hush yo' mouth, child!"

I'm mentioning this because at one point in time, I had abso-shoot-ly NO problem talking about all of these sick things online & publicly. I had no problem drawing them, I had no problem writing about them, and I had no problem talking with friends about them. But now, I'm refraining from letting these thoughts slip out into the real world because I guess I'm more aware of consequences. I'm afraid that one day, a teacher of mine will come across something I wrote or drew (don't ask how), or I'm afraid that a future employer will stumble upon a drawing I thought was funny at one point and be quick to can my ass.

The internet has become a dangerous tool. It started out as a nice, innocent way to search for information (okay, okay - you had your usual porn sites that would pop up), but now you have shitheads (like myself) sharing their entire LIVES, their shit stories, their boyfriend/girlfriend drama, their thoughts of suicide, their pictures from a weekend that they got so drunk they stripped and then continued to shit all over the place. What I'm trying to say is, I guess I'm being cautious in a way now, but damn. It's enough to make me want to delete my Facebook, my MySpace, ALL of my old blogs, my Photobucket, etc etc.

But will I delete it all? No, probably not. Not now. Maybe when the time comes to get an actual career - when the time comes that I'll be this influential, English teacher - maybe that's when I'll delete it all. I'd hate to have awkward moments in class when little innocent Billy or Suzy says, "Hey, Miss Jones! We found all sorts of things you wrote and posted online!" I mean, sure. I have my MySpace private, and SUPPOSEDLY on Facebook, you can't see anybody's profiles unless you're on the same network. But all of that's bullshit. NOTHING ON THE INTERNET IS PRIVATE.

Whew.

The WHOLE point I'm trying to make with this... is that I am what I am, and that's all that I am.

And maybe sometimes it's best to keep it to myself and away from the world.