I Can Unnecessarily Rant

It is when you're sitting their and letting your mind cook. Everything is bubbling and boiling from the bottom up, and you become softer. Parts of your soul evaporate from you and sting the gods in their eyes. You have to keep yourself from sticking to the bottom and burning.

But why do I feel that I burn more often that most? I'd like to unscrew the cap of my being off and dust it off. My life is not bad by any means. I am able to take care of myself somewhat, and I am able to keep a job at a place where many people enjoy my company. I have a boyfriend who supposedly loves me very much, and I return the feeling. He's everything I've ever wanted in a guy, and he's willing to move down here to be with me. So why do I feel unhappy? Why do I still feel alone and on my own? Why do I still feel angry? I thought all of this came along only with my monthly period, but I shouldn't be experiencing any hormonal changes right now.

No matter how much of a good person I want to be, I feel there's something that keeps gnawing on my insides. Something bad. No matter where I run off to, it keeps following me the thousands of miles I go. No matter who I surround myself with. I thought that maybe if I surround myself with good people - happy people - then it'd fade into the dark where it belongs.

There is an anger that's trying to punch through my chest. It's ripping at my insides; tearing at my throat; squeezing my lungs. It's doing anything to get out. Maybe this is why people go crazy and commit murder or something just as horrid. I won't do that though.

I'M PISSED OFF. I left Georgia thinking that I could start over in Arizona.
I thought I could simply
just
start
over.

There have been many rude awakenings in my life, but probably no more than any other person. I like to think that I've experienced enough by now to truly realize that I shouldn't get my hopes up, and I should be realistic about things. If your parents don't pay rent, you'll be evicted. If you move across the country to live with a guy who you've talked to for a few years, don't be surprised if he ends up being a little different than you imagined. If you do not come from a rich family and you don't have a college degree, expect buying a car and living in your own apartment to be difficult.

I'm tired of this.