Saturday Moment

I had a dream last night about Noe. In the dream, I guess we were still together. He ended up meeting this redhead with huge knockers (for some reason that's how I imagine his dreamgirl), and he cheated on me with her. I was sad, and I woke up crying. But it dawned that we're no longer together... and that kind of made me feel worse.

I have no doubt that Noe really did love me. Although he did many questionable things that would prove otherwise - I still believe he enjoyed having me around most of the time. But I also have no doubt that his life will, in fact, be easier now that I've left it. Noe had a lot of things to care and worry about without having me around, and I hope that he's tightening grasp around looking for a career, passing his FE exam, and just trying to be a happy person overall now that I'm gone.

And so sets in the regret, the wonder, the fear that maybe Noe was the only guy who would love me... But that's silly to think and to be afraid of. There are TONS of guys out there who I'm sure I'll meet and have a relationship with. My good friend Cat warned me of these feelings. She seems to be the only person who has been giving me advice and pointers throughout this whole thing. My parents think that it's best not to talk about it so I don't get upset, and I guess everyone else feels that they've already said what they need to say about me breaking up with Noe and moving back to the East. "It's tough, but you're a strong person. It'll take time to get over it, but find a job and go to school as soon as you can." Then I'm kind of left in the dark. Cat has talked to me about this more than anyone, and she's made me feel better. She's made it clear that I'm not the only one who's gone through something like this, and the things that I feel are TOTALLY natural. So... Cat, if you're reading this, thanks. I've already told you thanks a million times, and I'll tell you a million times more until my heart is content. :)

I've tried looking for a job already. I can't tell you how many places I went and none of them were hiring. It's so... discouraging. BUT! No fear. I still have yet to go towards Pensacola to look for a job. With that being a larger city, I think I could have some luck there. It would just be a bitch to drive at least 15 minutes to get to my job.

Well, now that I've gotten some of that out of my system, I should go look for a job now. Wish me luck.

Hannah