Squid vs the Untitled Feeling

Sometimes I believe I become sucked into my own world, and when I'm awakened out of it, this overwhelming fear and discomfort takes over.

I believe it's because I'm forcing a lot of change all at once lately. I'm trying to quit smoking; I went to Destin with Seth last night and experienced a completely different species that I've always known about but never really interacted with, I suppose; I'm thinking about being a referee for the women's roller derby team here in Milton; and I'm trying to decide whether or not to go back to school asap. If I decide to go back to school, it may mean having to put off an apartment for the near future. And that's enough to drive me crazy because I can't imagine living with my parents for much longer.

It saddens me that my parents are missing out on the things I want to do. My dad doesn't feel like getting out of the house most of the time, and my mother feels the responsibility to stay home and take care of him. For example - if I'm going to actually do this thing where I get involved in roller derby, I'd like my parents to come see me do my thing every once in a while. Also - it's going to take so much to try and get them out of the house to go meet Seth's parents. I don't know. This house is their sanctuary, and I've never felt more distant from them in my life.

Time to sleep.