Squid vs Missing Her Favorite Person

I wouldn't mind spending every second with this man from now and until my body withers into the ground.

Squid vs Time

My problem and biggest stress is that time is too much apart of my life.

I have to be at work during certain times; I countdown until the next day arrives; I always try to guess what time it is before I actually look at the clock; I think about how long Seth & I have been together and how much longer until it'll be a year or two years or three or ten or 20 or 70. I wonder how long I'll live. I wonder how much more time my dad has. I think about how long I've been working at Village Inn & I look forward until the day it'll be a year so I can really get another job. I think about how a week ago, we just arrived at Bonnaroo and how I wish I could be there again instead of here. I keep staring at the clock, watching the time pass, until I have to start getting ready for work in 10 minutes. I think about how long it'll take me to drive to work. I wonder if Lori will be mad that I'm one or two minutes late. It's a rule to try and greet a table within 30 seconds. Get their drinks within two minutes. Their order in five. Food within 10. Get 'em full and out within 28 minutes ideally. Time to sleep. Time to wake up. Time to eat. Time to keep glancing at the clock.

I want a job that does not rely on specific times except your own. That'd be ideal. I think I'd be a little happier.

Time to try to rid myself of this gigantic stress. Time to take each moment by itself and not worry about the future. No use in thinking about the past nor the future.

TIME TO GO TO WORK!

Squid vs the Mundane

I keep racking my brain on ways to achieve something great in my life. I'd prefer to achieve things now while I'm at my youngest. And it's not about money or riches. I just want to make some kind of impact. (Though it wouldn't hurt if I got paid for it.) I can't be content when I'm given some perspective on how tiny and invisible we all are in the universe. I'm already a microbe in the eye of the galaxy. My life is no longer than a blink of that galaxy's eye. I can never hope to be able to travel further into space than my 50 or 60 years remaining will allow.

I'm afraid that my constant awareness of my own mortality is responsible for the feeling of "so much to do, so little time to do it". Yet why don't I take advantage of every day? Why don't I spend my free time bettering myself and expanding my mind? I'll tell you why. I am lazy. I expect things to fall into my lap without me working towards anything. I look at some people that were practically born with certain talents - who don't have to spend money going to school to learn those skills. Then there are people who know other people and can easily squeeze a foot in the door.

All in all, I suppose I have to come to the realization that there are fortunate people in this world who don't have to work as hard as some. I am not one of those people. Whatever I decide to do, it'll take dedication, motivation, and probably a lot of energy drinks.

Being lazy will only be the death of me, and isn't that what I'm wanting to avoid after all?

Squid vs the Lovely, Lovely Moments

I shouldn't complain so much. With the good moments come the bad ones and the same way around. I don't know what gave me the notion that every moment in my life should be warm and fuzzy. It's ridiculous. Maybe I feel like someone or something owes me a good time. Selfish and egotistic is what that notion is.

But those lovely, lovely moments are addicting in a way. A person sees just how surprising a lovely moment can pop up throughout the day. You could be driving down a desolate strip of asphalt, and at that very second the sun is spilling perfectly through the trees and over their leaves. It's meeting your eyes at the exact second it's affronting every other breathing and dead thing alike. You could be spending time with someone, and all within 3 seconds - the perfect music comes on, the perfect words come out of his or her mouth, and the perfect feeling warms your body like sheets straight out of the dryer on a crisp, cold morning.

It's all about the moments, and they're happening every chance they get.

[untitled]

I am

absolutely, unambiguously, unquestionably, unconditionally, on the money, on the nose, on the button, come Hell or high water, certainly, truly, surely, decisively, thoroughly, positively, utterly, really, really, really,
really,
really,
really,

perfectly

in



love.

Squid vs the Unlocking & Lift Away

I'm afraid that the only place that I'll never feel like a nuisance in will always be my home. But Cumming & Atlanta is no longer my home. I have to let it go in order to feel any kind of peace anywhere else, I think. I wish it was as easy as that one episode of Dexter when he drops the Barbie's head into the bay to let go of his brother. But it's not. It's really difficult when you've been ripped away from a place that you had no part of in the decision-making process. I definitely don't want to move back though. I'd feel like I'd be back-tracking in its ultimate form. No learning from visiting & living in new places-- Just retracing the familiar steps and wallowing in comfort of being back in the town where I pretty much started. I'd have my old friends back; I'd be able to go back to the old hangout spots; I'd feel belonged. It sounds nice, no?

It won't happen.

Squid vs Real Time

I always have the redundant epiphanies that run across my mind right before I have to go to work at Village Inn. I think of a job I'd much rather be going to. I don't want to serve sweet tea and pancakes to old ladies all day and night. I don't want to know how you'd like your eggs cooked. I don't give a damn if you want your bacon or hash browns crispy. It's the same crap over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

AND OVER!

If I didn't have to work today, I feel like I'd really work on getting some kind of different career path - whether that's looking up what kind of classes I can register for; working on my photography skills; or just looking on Craigslist at what kind of jobs are a bit in demand right now. I'm going to face the facts. I probably won't end up graduating from a 4 year university. I don't have the money, never will have the money, and I'd probably be very unmotivated. I'd be that older person in class.

I keep telling my mom about this anxiety I've been having. She amazingly always seems to relate it to her first marriage and when she & John went to Baltimore for a little while. It does nothing for me to hear her talk about this. So I end up getting frustrated and just tuning her out until she's done anyway. I gotta find some way to relieve these stresses and anxieties.